would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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