can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
