My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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