I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
