This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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