i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
