I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
