he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
as a side note pls kill me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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