if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
