Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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