So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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