I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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