the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
