He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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