ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
