Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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