If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
