Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
