I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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