I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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