forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
