dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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