STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
