I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
