took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
