I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
