i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What a dumb baby whore.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
