Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
