She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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