True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
