i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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