I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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