I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
