I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
