Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
