I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
