I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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