There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
