Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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