oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
