His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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