You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
