my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
