i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Who died my cat blue again?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
