Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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