It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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