I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
