I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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