hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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