Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
