fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
