Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize