I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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