she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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