My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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