C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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