I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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