thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
