I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
