Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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