When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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