Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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